Less is More - Adventures from the Road
River Healing Therapy
I grew up in a suburb 30 miles west of Chicago. Glen Ellen was one of those towns you see on postcards. It was so beautiful, and the homes were magnificent. On any given block, you could be in awe of the magnitude of these houses. And my parents were relatively affluent within the community. So growing up in a home where we had everything we needed and surrounded by other equally or more affluent people started to shape how I looked at the world.
When I graduated from college, I remember the first apartment my ex-husband and I lived in that was so small that I felt horrible about it. I felt awful about where we lived, even in our first townhouse and first home. They were nothing like the homes I grew up in or saw in my hometown. And somewhere along the way, I started to buy into this "more is more" philosophy.
I wanted the big house, the nice fancy cars, and everything that went with what I thought was abundance. I chased those things so much that eventually, it took its toll on my marriage. The constant stress and pressure to achieve, accumulate, and have better than what we had was an ongoing presence in our lives. I didn't even know how I felt about it because I never stopped to ask. I never checked in with myself to see if it was indeed what I wanted or was I doing it because that's what I was used to and thought this is how it's supposed to be.
“The day you stop racing, is the day you win the race.”
Fast forward to my 40s, going through a divorce, and my life changing in every way, I found myself at the place where I was rebuilding myself from the ground up. Everything had broken down, which wasn't a bad thing. There's something so special about things falling apart because, as the saying goes, things aren't falling apart; they're falling into place.
Well, a lot of things are falling into place. Going through times of transition and great change can be incredibly upsetting and bring such an upheaval in your life that you almost don't even recognize yourself compared to your old self when all the pieces come back together. In many ways, it is like the Phoenix process.
The story of the Phoenix is an ancient tale of renewal. It's the story of a mythical bird nearing the end of its life cycle, going into the fire, and coming out different but evermore itself. I think that's what happened to me; where I started off as one person, but this time of transition brought me out into a different place. Almost where I didn't even recognize myself at times, but in a good way. One of the most significant shifts was when I started to look at my life and evaluate it from the place of "is it bringing me happiness?" and "do I have peace of mind?".
I decided to take a month-long trip as a sabbatical to give myself a break and recharge. I didn't know where I was going, only that I was heading west and would eventually make my way to Washington, Hood River. It's one of my favorite places to visit. As I was passing through Utah, I called one of my old college friends who has been living in Salt Lake City since we graduated. I called to tell him that I would be stopping through and wanted to visit him and his son and spend some time with him. That visit turned into me staying there for three weeks, and it changed the trajectory of my life.
Chuck and Sam lived in an adorable little bungalow in a neighborhood kind of similar to some of the cute Chicago neighborhoods like Lakeview Lincoln Park and the lake. It wasn't flashy or extravagant, but they were beautiful homes. And more importantly, it was a neighborhood where everyone knew each other, looked out for each other and helped each other. We spent a lot of time mountain biking and hiking in the most beautiful mountains I've ever seen in my whole life. We traveled up to Bear Lake in Idaho and camped for four days. And the simplicity of everything brought me to a place where I could feel my nervous system completely relax and come online. I knew there was something for me here.
When I returned home from my travels, I remember walking into my closet with my designer purses and expensive clothes, looking at them and feeling like I wanted to puke. None of that stuff brought me the happiness or peace of mind I felt in Utah. It had to go.
I had also purchased a BMW car, and the windshield had to be replaced. Because it was coming from Germany, it took months to get in, and this was before Covid. Even with insurance covering most of the cost, it was still a large expense when it finally came in. The car had to go.
It was almost as if the lens through which I saw the world radically changed. Having more expensive things, a big house, all the stuff started to feel like a burden. That was new and different. I crave the simplicity of the lifestyle of my friend Chuck and Sam and just how much fun they had.
Their life was not centered around having stuff. It wasn't about materialism or accumulating the nicer, fancier things for them. Although they did have pretty rad bicycles, skis, and equipment, those served a purpose and had a function in their life.
Over the next year, I found myself changing everything. I got rid of and sold all my designer purses. I donated many clothes and a lot of extra stuff I had accumulated over the years. I wanted less in order to have more.
It was more time, more spaciousness, more peace of mind, and happiness. I wanted more joy and fun in my life. The stuff, and everything it symbolized had lost its luster, no longer providing the same excitement it once did for me. I was going through a radical transformation. I even decided to sell my house. I told my kids, "I want a house that I can clean in under two hours." I didn't want to be tied to something or things. I wanted more time to travel, explore and do nothing.
For the first time in my life, I understood what "less is more" actually meant. In western society, we live in a culture that idolizes money, the accumulation of material things, and the idea that more is more. When you're painting a wall, you quickly learn that more paint on the brush does not make the paint job go easier. Take it from me I've learned that lesson firsthand. The idea that less is more means that you appreciate everything you have and that everything has a purpose.
Why do I need ten pairs of jeans when I can only wear one pair at a time? That makes no sense at all. Why do I need to have a big house with four or five bedrooms and multiple bathrooms when there are only four of us in the place at any one time. It was time for many changes, and many changes came.
I share the story with you because I want you to consider your life. When was the last time you looked around at your life and asked yourself, "Does this bring me joy and happiness? Do I feel at peace in my life?" When we stop to ask ourselves, that question starts to change how we look at our lives.
It's so easy to get caught up in wanting more. All you have to do is go on Facebook or Instagram and see 100 ads targeted toward all the things you like. And before you know it, you're traveling down the rabbit hole buying something from some company you've never heard of because it's a (insert item here) that you can't live without. Do you really need that extra T-shirt, new soap, kitchen gadget, etc.?
I believe that we're going through a true awakening right now—a radical change in how we look at our lives in the world and each other. The search for deeper meaning, purpose, connection and peace of mind is something that I hear a lot of people speaking to. I think it's time we start to deconstruct the things that we cherish and ask ourselves if this is truly in alignment with our soul, heart, and what it brings into our life. So I encourage you to start contemplating the idea that less is more and how your life feels to you.
Do you have the capacity to take the time you need when you need it? Are you burdened and weighed down by stuff, and does it control your life? Are you living the life that you want? These are essential questions right now. As we are emerging from the last couple of years of this pandemic, we can begin to change the trajectory of our lives as we pull out of it. I see many more people traveling and spending time together with their families and seeing more people choosing to go against the grain and forge their own paths. We've all certainly seen how many people are selling their homes and moving to different parts of the country because they want a better quality of life.
They're not looking for more and better they're looking for less and better. Just think about how many people have left California to move to states like Texas, Tennessee, and Florida because it's simpler. It's not so extravagant, and it's not so competitive. So I encourage you to ask yourself what brings me peace of mind and happiness and how can I get there? What do I need to release and let go of in my life to create room for more time, energy, and fun?
All my best,
River
